I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
