he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
