Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
