this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
