Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Randomize
