I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
