I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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