ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
