But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
