It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
