bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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