My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Randomize
