return my video game
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
