i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
