TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
