Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Randomize
