That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
