My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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