we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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