Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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