You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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