sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
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