You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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