I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize