y did u give ur computer a hand job?
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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