Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
we're making bets on your personal life
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
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