I cockslap morals
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
