Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
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