Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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