He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
