apparently the secret to your success is patron
stop calling my apartment porn island.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
