Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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