I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
