sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
