I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
