Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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