I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Randomize
