that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
