Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
