a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
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