ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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