do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
