Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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