so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
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