It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
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