if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
