I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
