I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
