i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
