One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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