i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I will be naked everywhere
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
