her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
two words...techno handjob
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
