you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
