I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
