She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
