if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
