Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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