i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
