I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
