she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
