Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
that is very illegal...i love you.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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