My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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