She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Randomize