Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
