How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
