Porn is love you can see.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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