And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
