We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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