I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Randomize
