Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Randomize
