It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize
