can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
My feet surprised me
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
