I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
