I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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